My Top 10 Literary Influences

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I promised I’d make things up to you, and I think this list might just do the trick. Also I have a terrible habit of coming up with great things to write about right before something (or in this case, lots of things) is (or in this case, are) due.
But I am a huge literature nerd, so I think this is appropriate. I rave about books all the time anyway, so I think I should share the pieces of literature that influenced me the most.


10. The Inferno, by Dante Alighieri

I skimmed through The Inferno in high school (I was a senior. Can you blame me?), but put in a much greater effort when it was assigned in my super-hard-and-intimidating-mythology-class-that-a-valedictorian-from-my-high-school-was-in. It paid off. If I hadn’t thoroughly read The Inferno, I might have not decided to emphasize my English major in radical religious literature.

This book also influenced me because Dante had nerve. Even though his majorly unrequited crush on Beatrice was unrequited and kind of creepy, Dante was gutsy as hell (ha!), and I really admire that. It takes a lot to criticize your own religion.

9. The Natural Order of Things, by Antonio Lobo Antunes

If you know me in real life and have ever heard me rave about Portugal, this book is why (this book is Portuguese). I’ve developed a bit of an obsession with Portugal, and I’m really hoping to go there in the near future.

This book isn’t exactly famous (at least not here), so I guess I should explain it a little. From what I remember, the story spans over several decades and has about eight narrators. It’s also one of the only postmodern books I actually like.

You should read this book – I’m not very fond of the ending, but this is one of the best books I’ve ever read. Top five, definitely. It’s brilliant. Look at it, at least.

8. Ulysses, by James Joyce

This book was… an experience. I hate it and love it at the same time – it’s brilliant, but it’s just not fun to read. If you know me, then you’ve probably suffered at least 10 doses of my complaining about it. I once had a teacher who said Ulysses is a book that nobody should have to read for the first time. Now I can say that I agree with him on the whole concept of losing my Ulysses virginity. But it would be wrong of me to say it isn’t incredible. I’ll read it again later in life. I don’t think I was developed enough this go around. Joyce put an incredible amount of thought into Ulysses – nearly every word is an allusion. I hope I can have a pinch’s worth of that talent one day.

7. Cathedral, by Raymond Carver
This isn’t my absolute favorite Carver story – “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love” has that spot – it was a close race, though), but it is the very first one I read. There are some works that just strike you and have so much power. For me, Cathedral is one of those pieces. Carver’s realism is just so good – if I didn’t enjoy it so much, I wouldn’t have purchased a complete anthology of his work which happens to be over 1,000 pages. Yeah… I kind of have a long way to go with that one. But I love his work! I actually tried to be Carveresque with the last short story I wrote, and it actually happens to be my best. Thanks for inspiring me, Ray.

6. The Oven Bird, by Robert Frost

I have a huge fascination with the Fall. *See numbers 5, 2, and 1 for further explanation* But this poem actually influenced me in another way too. On the day I toured UGA, I sat in on an English class that happened to be taught by my current poetry teacher (I did this on purpose). Want to take a stab at the poem we learned about that day? Yes, that’s right, The Oven Bird. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but that poem is part of the reason why I took the Milton class and most of the reason I am in the poetry class I’m taking. Robert and Susan shaped my life, guys.

And that is why I am going to be my poetry teacher when I grow up.

5. East of Eden, by John Steinbeck

When I was 16, I went to Iran to the first, and as of now, only time. I found this book on my mother’s shelf and brought it to read on the plane. I had read and loved Steinbeck before (The Grapes of Wrath actually almost made this list), so I thought it would be a good choice. I was actually thrilled to find this, even though it’s a giant book. I ended up depending on this book while I was on vacation because I was parched for contact with the English language. I read it feverishly.
And oh, how I loved this book. It got me into the Fall before I even realized it!

It’s kind of funny how my taste in literature has worked out.

4. Howl, by Allen Ginsberg

I can’t think of a writer more irate and pissed than Ginsberg was, and I love him for it. Now obviously, I love this poem. I’ve seen the movie, and I’m a little obsessed with it. I listen to Ginsberg on Spotify. I have a book of essays on the poem, for god’s sake. I would have written a huge essay on Howl, but we didn’t even cover it this semester. I’m actually really upset about it. I hope that one day when I’m really pissed, I’ll remember to think like Ginsberg and just spin a beautiful web of poetry out of my anger.

3. It’s Kind of a Funny Story, by Ned Vizzini

I was in a pretty dark place when I stumbled upon this book – and the cover art is what caught my attention, so that’s why I hate the phrase “never judge a book by it’s cover.” Covers are meant to attract readers! That’s how it works!
You probably think I’m lame since there’s a movie of this book, and it’s pretty cheesy. Well I read this book years before news of a movie reached me (I’m so goddamn indie, I know).
The reason I like It’s Kind of a Funny Story so much is because I relate to Craig so much – not just because of depression, but also because of the crazy expectations he puts on himself and his masochistic thought process. And once I realized that Craig could become better, I decided that I could overcome my mental instability too.

2. Paradise Lost, by John Milton

I think I’ve made it pretty clear that Milton is my homeboy. A semester ago, all I blogged about was this poem. I have a fish named Lycidas. I’m referencing Paradise Lost in a paper that’s due next Tuesday.
But I really do love Paradise Lost. Once you read it, everything changes. I can see a Miltonian interpretation of almost everything I read because of it. Ulysses, Portrait of the Artist, the huge amount of poems I’ve had to read this semester, you name it. Oh, and Paradise Lost solidified my decision to emphasize in religious literature, so there’s that too. And it’s beautiful. Don’t forget that.

My nerd is coming out. Sorry, guys.


1. His Dark Materials, by Philip Pullman

These books, guys. Yes, my top choice is a trilogy. I can explain.
Three years ago, when I was taking adolescent literature at Harvard nerd camp, I had no idea how much these books were going to shape me. I came to these books much later than I should have – by this I mean “I saw the Golden Compass movie months before I ever read the book.” And I didn’t think the film was that great, because I don’t think anybody did, but I really loved the story. I’d still watch the movie today even though it’s disappointing, out of order, and inaccurate just because I’m such a huge Philip Pullman nerd.
These books have shaped me tremendously. They have made me laugh, fawn, smile, throw The Subtle Knife at a wall, and shed some of my hardest tears. Although I didn’t know it until a few years later, they sparked my interest that turned into my major concentration. In the years since I read them, I’ve made efforts to get other people to read them in the hopes that they would be as struck as I was. I got The Golden Compass on a class curriculum in my very Catholic high school. I lent copies of the trilogy to friends – and sadly, lost a book or two in the process. I took that Milton class just so I could understand the books better. I even read these books and Paradise Lost at the same time. I think it’s safe to say that these books influenced me more than any other pieces of literature.

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Sorry….

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It’s been ages, I know. I feel terrible for staggering so badly and that I at least owe the people who read this some kind of explanation.

School has taken over my life. Worse than usual. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned it on here before, but this is the worst semester of my life. School is kind of kicking my ass – well, I’m not doing badly, but I have to work much harder than I ever have before, and to be completely honest, I hate it.

Double majoring is a blessing and a curse at the same time. I love being able to look at different styles of writing from other perspectives. It actually gives me a huge edge in my classes. Then there’s the bad side – because I have two majors, I have to split my priorities. When I’m really busy, I’ll work on something for one class for about 20 minutes and then grab my other notebook. It kind of sucks, especially when four drastically different projects get thrown at me.

But I won’t complain about school anymore today. At least not here.
Since I’ve left this dry for the equivalent of a semester, I’ll try to give you a few updates. There are a couple things I have actually managed to stick to. Here are the more important things going on:

  1. Lycidas is alive and well. I can’t believe he survived Thanksgiving break, and now that finals are approaching (well, one-final-and-three-huge-projects), i’m being sent into a frenzy over how I am going to care for him over Christmas break. I would really like to take him home so he could spend the holidays with me, but I’m terrified that if I take him out of his filtered tank for two hours he will die.
  2. I managed to keep up a few of those goals I made for myself back in August, and I’m happy about it. I went back to using multiple day planners, but it hasn’t really gotten my life back in control.
    The best thing I have done this semester is make a point to write something every week. Ever since I started writing for The Black Sheep, that hasn’t been an issue. Hopefully I won’t be judged by whatever jobs or internships I apply to. And if nobody in the workforce takes me seriously, I can at least applaud myself for having a knack in writing crude humor pieces. You can read everything I’ve written for The Black Sheep (and a story about Thanksgiving, which I did not write but for some reason has my name on it) at theblacksheeponline.com
  3. I tried to be cool and use a link but it fucked everything up. I don’t know why the internet is being so terrible to me right now.
    This is some of my project.

 

  1. I don’t know if this actually constitutes as good graphic design. I just can’t believe I actually made something that looks good with a computer. And I made that cover on Paintbrush for Mac, so you have to be impressed with that, right?
  2. Another good thing I’ve gotten into is working on my culinary skills a little. I’m definitely not a lady-beast by any means, but I am growing. I can make pretty good grits, and I made a salad for lunch tomorrow, which I don’t think I’ve done… well, ever. See? I’m progressing already. 

But… I should probably back away from my laptop. Even though I am trying to apologize and make amends for skimping so hard lately, I’m also procrastinating a little and kind of have two huge projects due on noon on Tuesday. You know, just 3000 words to write, no big deal (okay, I lied about complaining.) But one of those projects might end up on here, because if everything goes according to plan, it’s going to be an awesome story about the increasing popularity of bacon in high-end restaurants, desserts, and culture. Yeah. Hopefully.

Hopefully I’ll have more time to write things soon. And if I don’t and the world decides to hate me, at least there’s always Christmas break to look forward to. Brace yourselves: My Big Fat Iranian Christmas is approaching.

Look, I Have Goals!

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Oh, the I’m-back-at-school-and-have-no-motivation-but-extreme-anxiety-and-I’m-always-tired blues are here once again. They’ve actually been here for a while. How long ago did school start? Three weeks? Okay, then I’ve been in a funk for two weeks.

Despite how intensely I hate schoolwork, things are going pretty well. Actually, scratch that. School is terrifying me. But outside of school? Yeah, things are good. I’ve become addicted to Gossip Girl, so that should fill any void I’m feeling in my life. I joined a paper, so people besides my Facebook friends are reading my work. My highly offensive and hilarious work that will probably come back to bite me one day. Whatever – clips are clips, and I finally feel like there’s some purpose in my life.

So if things are going well, then why am I making new expectations for myself? Well, firstly it’s because I’m 20 now, and there are things I’ve just got to learn to do, like cooking. There’s so much more to food than just heating it up and putting sauce or cheese on top, and since I’m such an avid fan of Real Simple already, I’d like to get to the point where I can actually follow a recipe without fucking something up.
I’ve also been anxious as hell because I already feel like I can’t keep up with school. I kind of suffer from this scheduling problem where I don’t consider the consequences – and the workload, in particular –  of the classes I sign up for. I just love to make things complicated, and working on two degrees at once is becoming an issue for the first time. What becomes a priority? How can I choose between my two great loves? And no, I’m not copping out and declaring a minor instead – I was born to be an English major… it just happens that I was born to be a journalism major too.
If I can get off my ass and sort things out, school won’t be as much of a problem. My anxieties are easy to fix. All I have to do is act now. God, I sound just like my dad. I didn’t mean to ramble on so much.
Anyway, here are some things I’m aiming to do:

  1.  Be more organized with my tasks, and keep an actual day planner instead of scribbling some odd words in an unlined notebook. I actually already started this and went against my own advice – I’m using a free UGA planner, and it makes me feel like the biggest freshman. But don’t worry, I’m going to pimp it out and make it match my “wrong neighborhood motherfucker” notebooks.
  2. Learn to cook something of sustenance and start eating more super foods. I’ve warmed up to eggs in the past year, but I need to keep expanding if I want to have more energy. Oh, and since I’m 20 years old now, I should probably start liking vegetables.
  3. Build up some muscle in my arms. Hey, I’m tired of not being able to lift things! Something tells me street team might be able to help me with this a little.
  4. Write something every week. Thankfully, this won’t be an issue since I’m writing for a paper now and will get kicked off if I don’t turn anything in.
  5. Own my points in class discussions. I don’t think this will be so hard if I read Joyce’s work more closely, look over the poems I’m assigned more than once, and try to make myself open to any interpretation. Also I should remember to bring magazines to class so I don’t look like an idiot in mag writing.

I’m feeling good about these – and I’m not stressed, like I usually would be, and that’s amazing. I didn’t just set goals that will help me out tremendously. I set realistic goals, and I didn’t set an insane amount of them.
I’m fairly confident I can do this, and that makes me feel safe. It makes me feel great.

Street Team Secrets

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Never did I think I would be one of those annoying people handing something out at the Tate Plaza. Even though I walk by that place almost every day, I still only associate it with flyers for events I have no interest in attending, co-ed honor fraternity booths, and the annual Abortionplex. Now that I’m writing for a paper, though, I feel obligated to help out with anything as much as possible (could that be passion and dedication I’m feeling?), and one of those things I found myself helping out with was distributing papers on Friday.
And you know what? It actually went pretty well. I thought it would be difficult to be one of those annoying Tate stalkers, but it was actually one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. And I liked that, because easy things are just so much better.
Here’s what I learned (sorry, I can’t make the bullets work today):

Freshmen will always take whatever you’re handing out, especially this early in the year – they just don’t know any better! It’s also useful to scan the area for people who show signs of social anxiety or easy intimidation. They’ll take whatever you’re handing out so you’ll just leave them alone and they can reach their destination. This also works well with high schoolers who are touring campus, but beware of families if you’re handing out something that might offend a conservative mother.

Don’t approach anyone who is talking on the phone or has a full set of hands. You’re wasting your time and being a great inconvenience. Also, make sure you don’t approach the couple that is fighting and possibly breaking up. It’s just a little awkward.

If you’ve got a great manipulative skill, like charisma or flirting, take full advantage of it. It’s not like you’re using your powers for evil.

Wander around a little. Walk up to a congested place and try handing out things to people in that area. There’s this bus stop right next to the Tate Plaza that’s always crowded with people waiting for the Orbit bus, which isn’t always reliable because everybody on campus happens to ride that bus. It turned out to be a good place to hand out papers, because lots of people were waiting.

Approach anyone who looks bored. This is an especially good idea if you’re around a booth. Make a deal with the other people handing out things! Give them your goods in exchange for theirs. Everybody wins!

Be nice than you’ve ever been before. Say thank you to everybody who took something from you, and still try to be nice to anyone who turned you down.

Know your demographic. Don’t go around handing out satirical newspapers to old women.

Try approaching a potential recipient with a compliment. Say something like, “I like your shirt. Would you like a paper?”

Walk uphill and pass out your stuff to everyone who walks in the opposite direction. The hill advantage is fantastic because people can’t avoid you and you can take them by surprise.

That’s all I’ve got right now because I kind of feel like eating cucumbers and watching TV. But really, that’s all I’ve come up with so far. I really like street teaming, so I know I’ll be handing out papers to unaware prey in the Tate Plaza again soon. And do you know what that means? It means I can come up with more and better advice.
This picture amuses me.

My European Grams

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My favorite place

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Typical egg day breakfast

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Nutella banana crepes in Vienna

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I died

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I don’t know grass is trendy in Europe

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Palace gardens in Vienna

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Don’t let looks deceive you – this was fantastic

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Just riding a bus

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Pho in Munich

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Italy

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My friend, the potato

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I just liked the typography

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My favorite

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I got really drunk this night

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I love it

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Can’t you tell I read here a lot?

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Oh my god, eggplant

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Before everything turned pink

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Happy Time Dusche

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The fanciest coffee I’ve ever had

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Italy-boot bottle

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I did not get really drunk this night

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World’s best grilled cheese

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Caprese sandwiches all the time

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I just really love snails

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Who knew?

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They terrified me, so now I’ll terrify you

Here We Go Again

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Look, I’m alive! And I’m going to let the internet know about it!

So what is happening? School is happening, obviously. And as usual, it’s terrifying me. I’m too advanced for my own good.
But other things are happening too. I got a position at a paper, which is nice because I can be as dramatic and abrasive as I want to be within reason. And by within reason, I mean I can’t use the word “rape.” The people behind the paper actually get pissed if the content isn’t ridiculous enough.
Meanwhile, I’m overflowing with ideas, which is awesome. It’s funny. I had extreme writer’s block all the time, and once I got to Europe, it just all went away. You guys just didn’t know about it because I got super lazy and started posting on this. So I’m super idealistic right now, and once I stop being so tired and lazy all the time, things should flow very quickly. The columns I want to write but are too serious for The Black Sheep will probably end up on here. I can be serious, I mean it.
Anything else? Oh yeah, now that I’m not going out of the country for a month anymore, I can finally get a fish. So hopefully Lycidas will come into the picture soon, especially because my dad killed my other plant and Norman no longer has company.

Aaaand now I’m exhausted, which is kind of funny because I meant to go into my goals for junior year and twentydom. All I care about right now is taking a nap.
I’ll get better at this, I promise.

How I Found My Pride After Reading Amber Estes’ Article

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If you have a Facebook account and live in the South, chances are that you’ve read or at least know about an opinion piece written by a University of Georgia student that offends almost everybody who reads it.
Its title? “How to find that perfect husband in college.”

Estes offers sage wisdom on snagging a relationship with a future dynamo such as frequenting the area of campus that holds the law and business schools, taking lots of Instagrams, and dressing “like you’re not trying too hard.”

I, like most of those who read the article, find this advice extremely offensive. And I think we have every right to feel this way. I’d like to think that most of us came to UGA so we could enrich our minds and get a good career. Sure, many of us probably invoke a fair amount of damage to our brains through social alcohol abuse, but most of us are in college for intellectual reasons.

Naturally, Amber’s article has generated a slew of backlash. Occasionally, a comment mocking the offended for taking a “joke” so seriously will surface.

I get that the article was supposed to be satirical. I think most of us do. The problem is that the sarcasm failed, and once you strip Amber’s attempt at humor, all you get is a piece that degrades women our age.
And do you know what that does? It makes UGA look really bad.
UGA doesn’t have the greatest reputation. The students are typecasted as raucous Bulldog fans, belligerent drunks, and members of Greek institutions. In 2010, the Princeton Review crowned us the number one party school in the nation. As a result, thousands flock to Athens each year to include themselves in the wild parties and downtown bar scene they hear about. Trust me, it’s a little overrated.

I’ve seen people who go to other schools use the article as an excuse to mock UGA.

Like with any school, there is so much more to UGA than the Greek community and partying. Some of the most fascinating people I’ve been exposed to are UGA students. I’ve met incredible actors, singers, writers, and artists, brilliant mathemeticians and linguists, and several girls in sororities who stand apart from the “sorostitute” label – one of these girls inspires me incredibly. I might not walk around campus wearing Nike shorts and a sorority t-shirt, but I am going to take The Beach Boys’ advice and stay true to my school.

So why didn’t you, Amber?