I have a question for all the men out there who believe acting like a complete scumbag will win the heart of a girl:
What is wrong with you?
Okay, maybe I should explain myself…
I went to a bar with a few of my friends last night. Never before have I felt threatened there – it’s a well-established bar in my hometown, my friends who live here frequent, and I even know people who work there. In all the times I’ve been there, nothing bad has ever happened. I’ve never seen anybody get into a fight. I’ve never seen anybody get kicked out. I’ve never been afraid of the place.
Well now I am, and it’s all because of one person. One man who refused to leave me alone even after I repeatedly told him I didn’t want to talk to him.
I don’t understand why men think behaving this way works. Maybe it’s because under enough pressure, somebody might crack and let this kind of guy get to her. I can understand that. I’m an easy target. I’m shy, I don’t talk much, and I’m insanely awkward. I’m not very strong or assertive, so I have a hard time defending myself in situations like these. I don’t know what would have happened had I been alone. I don’t think I’d ever go to a bar alone, though.
I was sitting there watching a few of my friends play darts when I somebody came up to me. I turned around, and he asked me something stupid and cheesy like, “so, which one of these guys surrounding you is your boyfriend?” I told him that none of them were, because I am a terrible liar. I also underestimated this guy. When he asked me why I didn’t have a boyfriend, I curtly told him I was seeing somebody. Then he said, “well I have a girlfriend, so that’s perfect.” Part of me thought he would turn around and walk away from my table. I was wrong.
I turned my head away from him, trying instead to focus on the game of darts. He asked me why I was too nervous to talk to him, and my friend Katie and I told him I didn’t want to talk to him. He persisted, and then called Katie “motherly” for trying to protect me from him. He attempted small talk with us, and through this I learned that his name is Jeff and he’s studying psychology. He said he was trying to read us, that we were easy to read, something like that. It wasn’t the most comforting comment. Then he told us we were mediocre, which must be how men get girls to desire them more. I am not very familiar with this technique. I wonder which fraternity Jeff is – or was, he seemed like he was in his later 20’s – in. Those boys must get all the ladies. I bet they’re date-rape experts. I wondered whether he had looked at my hands, which both sported X’s. Or maybe he didn’t care that I was only 19.
Then he guilt-tripped me into playing a game of darts with him. I decided that since Jeff was into psychology, I would show just how thrilled I was to meet him through my body language. I slumped my shoulders. I gave him no eye contact. I didn’t even try during the game of darts; I just threw the darts quickly and then trotted back behind the line to check my cell phone or whisper something in Katie’s ear. I felt horrible the whole time. Why did Jeff think playing darts would loosen me up? Or was he just using the game as an excuse to look at me? Was he using the time to plan something? I mouthed “help me” to my guy friends who walked past us, but it didn’t work.
Apparently I wasn’t the only one giving Jeff a message. Katie told Jeff off during one of my turns. I’m glad she did, because somebody really needed to. I was so excited after he won the game, because it meant I never had to talk to him again.
Oh wait, wrong again. Jeff did not relocate from our table, so we went to another area of the bar. Jeff’s presence made me feel disgusting, and I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. Within a minute, we decided that the only way to avoid Jeff for good would be to leave the bar. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so relieved to leave a bar either.
I almost want to feel sorry for Jeff, but I can’t because he wouldn’t leave me alone no matter how many times he was asked. I’m really happy nothing happened to me, but I wonder how many times Jeff has pulled this before and will harass girls in the future. I wonder how many times it’s worked. I wonder if his girlfriend knows how much of a scumbag he is, or if this girlfriend is even real. If she is, I hope she leaves him soon.
Jeff made me feel bad for wanting to go out with my friends. I’m honestly afraid to go back to that bar now, because I don’t know what I’m going to do if he’s there. If I run into him again, I want to be around someone who intimidates him. Jeff made me feel like I did something wrong.He made me not want to go out with my friends. He made me never want to dress up or put makeup on again. It’s stupid, but I wonder if he would have approached me if I had been wearing something different. I almost feel like Jeff wanted to punish me for wanting to feel pretty. Is that stupid?
I hope that Jeff reads this so he can feel as horrible as he made me feel.